Football

For many, the arrival of spring brings little sunshine as the yearly footy frenzy draws to a close – for others, it’s blooming fantastic. Come September, the ballet of brutality reaches its pinnacle as two teams of equal worth carry the expectations of a nation upon their shoulders as they face each other for the final brewery-sponsored mêlée. Even if you want nothing to do with it, the obligation of every Australian to shout inanely at the television for one Sunday afternoon is thrust upon them on Grand Final Day.

Whatever code of you choose*, football has had quite a history and can help explain the national obsession for pigskin. Played since classical times, the ancient Greeks, Romans and Chinese all had their own version of football. In England, the sport was essentially a “mob” game with few rules, often involving the entire populace of rival villages. Even then, the game resulted in controversy, with King Edward II banning people from “hustling over large balls” in 1314. Ironically, Edward II met a painful end via the end of a hot poker after being outed as a homosexual.

By the time Australia was off the ground, rugby had developed from various English public schools starting their own game after losing their best players to child-friendly factory work. The Victorian gold rush and the dominion of rugby by the upper/middle classes spawned an all-Australian code, leading to the development of Aussie Rules in the 1860s. After the NSW Rugby Club refused to pay working class amateurs compensation for injuries, the NSW Rugby Football League was born in 1908 with the best player of the day, Herbert “Dally” Messenger, their star recruit.

With over one hundred years of history, thousands of followers and millions of novelty stubby-holders, it’s easy to see how footy clubs are such an important facet for the mob. As hungry Romans, we receive our weekly gladiatorial squabble to the delight of some and the misery of others. Come Grand Final Day (or Days depending on the code), the flags of the dedicated wave higher and their colours beam brighter – whereas, for many, the pleasure lies simply in watching the Roosters lose.
   
Is it a sense of community and identity that brings people together? Or is football a useful method to dissipate testosterone’s desire for war and glory? Medieval English monarchs banned football as it distracted men from much needed archery practice – something centuries of war with France created a demand for. However, after five minutes as an Eels fan within the belly of Cronulla’s aptly named “Yob’s Hill”, I daresay one would hear more vulgarity and loathing from the home fans than any Englishman would’ve been exposed to on a French battlefield**.

Bringing us closer while inciting us to tear each other into little bits, footy has a unique place in the Australian landscape. Football allows us to impartially hate any group in multiple ways, regardless of size, with complete justification. For instance, we can hate Victorians because they don’t play our game and then hate Queenslanders precisely because they do. Even after Grand Final Day, the time-tested clichés of sports interviews will help us dig deep, put in one hundred and ten percent and give it our best shot next year.

* Danny’s Daily Wisdom does not recognise American Football as a sport.
** Naturally, a Parramatta fan would adopt no such language or racial stereotypes.